


I Do Not Sleep

by lookingforexcalibur



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Avalon - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Episode: s05e13 The Diamond of the Day, Resurrection, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-21
Updated: 2015-08-21
Packaged: 2018-04-16 13:14:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4626573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lookingforexcalibur/pseuds/lookingforexcalibur
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin, tired of waiting for Arthur, casts himself into the Lake of Avalon one cold January morning.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Do Not Sleep

This was his final attempt. It had to work. Centuries of war and loneliness had forced Merlin to believe that Arthur would not return from Avalon. Stood on the shore of that ill-fated lake, Merlin crammed the pockets of his overcoat with stones. He had to find Arthur. He had to get to him. And this was the only way.

“I’m sorry, Arthur. It was all my fault.” Merlin whispered.

  He drove his feet to step into the shallows, and kept going. The water reached his knees, his hips, his chest, his shoulders.

“Two sides of the same coin.” Merlin muttered. He took a deep breath, and dove into Avalon’s depths.

  The stone-filled overcoat pulled Merlin down. _I’ll be with Arthur,_ he thought, desperate not to breathe in, _I’ll be with Arthur, and he’ll be with me._ Merlin knew he could have cast a spell and landed back on dry land in a heartbeat, but he had to try to get to Arthur. As a heavy darkness bled into his vision, a hand clasped the front of his overcoat. His body began to force him to breathe and the hand pushed him to the surface. The January air almost froze against his skin as Merlin was dragged from the Lake of Avalon. His thoughts shattered in his head and his eyes refused to close. Thick, paper-white clouds paved the sky. There was something painfully familiar waiting just outside Merlin’s line of sight. Was that a glint of steel dancing on the water’s surface? Was that – no, it couldn’t be. He was dead, Arthur was dead, dead as stone.

“Merlin, can you hear me? Merlin?” Arthur’s voice, that voice Merlin could barely remember, rung in Merlin’s ears.

  Merlin coughed and spluttered and choked out a single word:

_“Arthur.”_

“Merlin, Merlin, come on, sit up, did you breathe any of it in? God, Merlin, what were you doing?”

  Merlin brought up a mouthful of lake water as Arthur forced him to sit up. _Arthur_. Arthur, who should have been nothing but dust, was holding him, was peeling the overcoat from his body.

“I’ve missed you, you clotpole. I’ve just come back, you’re not allowed to die now.”

“I - won’t – I – promise – Arthur – I – won’t – leave – you – again.” Merlin rasped between hungry breaths.

“Hush, Merlin, you don’t have to talk. Just breathe, come on, please. Breathe. That’s it.”

“Arthur.”

   Arthur wrapped his arms around Merlin’s shivering body and held him close.

“I’m here, Merlin. It’s alright, I’m here now. They pulled that piece of Mordred’s sword out.”

“Took th-them l-long enough.”

“I’m sorry.”

“ _I’m_ sorry. It was m-m-my fault.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Merlin.”

“I should’ve l-let Mordred d-die when I h-h-had the chance.”

“Merlin, stop it.”

“I’ve w-waited so long. I lost c-count after a th-th-thousand years.”

“Come on, we need to get you back to Camelot. It’s still in the same place, isn’t it?”

“C-Camelot’s gone. No one e-even believes it was there in the f-f-first place.”

“Merlin, that’s not funny.”

“I-I’m sorry. But i-it’s true. Arthur, I’m so sorry.”

“Merlin.”

“Arthur.”

“Where will I go?”

“H-home. With me.”

“Where’s that?”

“N-not too far f-from here. But s-stay, j-just a bit longer.”

“I’m not going anywhere without you.”

“G-good. I love you, Arthur Pendragon. E-even if you a-are a prat.”

  Merlin saw a smile the centuries had stolen from him and laughed.


End file.
